I found my wife's [28F] hidden email account 29[M]

Only a few points.

- She gravely broke your trust by actively messaging, sexting and meeting up with a random guy. This is also severely disrespectful to you, too. I mean, she is even texting him, when you two were together? This is very deceitful! I don't think, that it really matters if they have slept with each other or not, but tbh I found it very strange to go all out to meet him all the way up, even in his bedroom, only then to "just talk" to each other? Like ... seriously? Why all this effort, then?

- A relationship can only work if both parties involved want the same thing. Walking down the same path. Having the same goals - in the end that's also what marriage means: building a future together.

If she really wants this kink of hers in her life and you do not, then I am not sure, if you both can really be happy with this. Also, do you really want to have an open relationship? Having other men fucking your wife? Are you really excited about this or are you just going along with her? If latter, I would just leave and have at least some rest of self-respect. You really don't have to put up with this shit!

- In the end, it's all about respect. You have to start respecting yourself first, so that others can respect you. And if they don't, then leave, despite all the consequences. If you ask me if your relationship can be solved, I would say "no". Your wife invested a ton of effort to betray you. She doesn't stop despite feeling "guilty" about this, only after she has been found out. Will she really change her whole nature, her whole thinking, just because you have caught her? Or will she try to keep up appearances until her frustration gets her eventually again? And then what? Betraying you even more sophistically?

Also, I am not sure, if forgiving your wife will really win her respect back. For me, it's like sending her the message, that whatever she will do, it won't have any consequences for her.

- You want your daughter to grow up in a normal family, having a normal childhood. I am not sure, if an open relationship ( not out of your own motivation, but because of all these wrong reasons above) is the ideal role model family, that you want to show her. I think, what you want her to learn, is how two adults are treating each other with respect, are honest to each other, solving problems together, are loving each other. So that she can know, what is right and what is wrong.

I think, that it's over. Or do you really want to "fix" this relationship? Are you excited to be with her? Is she still improving your life?

- And to conclude things: You said, that you are not sure, if your wife is really meaning it, when she is saying, that she loves you. IMO, the real question would be, if her "love" is even worth anything at all.

/r/relationship_advice Thread