I'm speaking from the perspective of a daughter whose mother is keeping her, intentionally, in the dark about the extent of her illness. Your situation may be completely different especially given that I'm an adult woman and your daughter is still a child.

Mom not telling me she's sick doesn't mean I don't know she's sick. Mom not telling me she's dying doesn't mean I don't know she's dying. I worry myself sick, literally, trying to decide how sick she really is and what I should do... afraid I'll make the wrong decision because I don't have enough information to make an informed choice.

I'm not telling you what to do... I'm just sharing my experience. Your daughter is already worried. Her worries won't stop just because you don't tell her and they may or may not get worse if you do decide to share. The only difference is that if you share it's back, you'll also be able to share a plan for treatment... a chance for hope. Instead of waiting for something bad to happen, she can start dealing with the bad.

I respect your choice. I have lived your choice. I haven't told my family how sick I've been the last few years. I moved 3000 miles away right before I caught an infection that left me disabled. They have no idea and I just keep making up excuses - praying I'll get better one day and can pretend it never happened. I don't think I'll be changing my mind and sharing my illness any time soon so the last thing I would do is condemn you for making the same decision.

Still, I wanted you to know that as a daughter with a sick mother who refuses to communicate the extent of her illness... I wanted to say that it sucks to never have any answers. I know she doesn't have long left but they won't verbalize that to me because they "don't want me to worry." So, I trust them... because that's all I can do right now... but that gap between my trust and reality gives me tummy aches every day. Still, I respect my mom's decision to handle her illness and end of life decisions as she chooses. I don't want to add to her stress with demands that make her uncomfortable.

Good luck with your surgery. Best wishes for healing soon!!