I guess it's late enough that no one will really read this. Bipolar disorder rant ahead.

I spent some time back at my parents place this past weekend and I can't believe just how tainted it all feels now. I hadn't been back since I was hospitalized, and this trip just made me remember the rollercoaster I was in for the last 10 years. It's a shitty reality and one I'm still dealing with, even if I'm still the same pos I've always been. At least I'm trying to make things better and that's gotta count for something, but I still regret everything I've done. I regret all the missed opportunities to turn my life around before this bullshit started. Why the hell didn't I listen to people? I wasted 27 years of my life running around and being an idiot just because I could. I miss Hannah so much it hurts. I hurt her so much and when I actually tried to get better and do things right I just made it worse. I wasn't supposed to be like this. I grew up in a good home with good parents and I just threw it all away because I could. I know I have an illness and all that but I'm still responsible for my actions and it still hurts just as much.