Thankfully we weren't in a fight so she wasn't saying stuff out of anger, she's just not great at empathizing and this is a very sensitive topic for me. I already knew this so it's kind of on me that I talked to her anyway, I'm going to be more selective next time about what I talk to her about. She just said a lot of stuff that really really re-emphasized how very uninterested men have been in me all my life.

I think for me when I try to be open to romance with people who I don't feel a "click" with, I just end up uncomfortable and stressed out, feeling guilty that I can't make it work. I'm really trying, since the guys I'm into literally are not interested at all (for context I've never been in anything close to a relationship) but it seems like I just can't fake it.

On the other hand, it's not like I have that many options to begin with, even with people I'm not that into. Right now I'm just trying to step back and work on making more 100% platonic friendships with guys and just... stop expecting anything to happen... maybe that way at least I can skip the heartbreak part even if it means no romance happens either.