A friend of mine just killed himself...

I can't really speak for Jeremy, but only myself.

With that said, you would seem to understand. Suicide for me, wouldn't be about lessening the burden on others. I know that people out there care about me, and I care about them. The people in my life wouldn't be better off without me. But it just comes down to whether or not I can find a stable spot of peaceful contentment in my life.

So even though I've wanted to die for going on a year and 3 months now, I owe it to myself and everyone around me the diligence to make sure I don't make a mistake. I've sought counseling and I continue with it. I've even grown to let some of my friends become aware of it. They haven't really helped because it's such a heavy issue but I'm still here so I'm still trying to figure this all out. It's a helpless feeling.

I try to rationalize... try to make sense of it, I assume you are too. The problem with that is that I can explain all day, all year. That helpless feeling is stuck and my efforts to organize the rational from the irrational just never stops. I try so hard to determine if I am hopeless to find that contentment, it just seems that reasoning and problem solving become a more and more futile effort.

And if I decide that I don't think I will find that place, then I hope to leave as light a footprint as possible on the world around me.

What drops a tear from my eye is when I hear the line from Childish Gambino's "Flight of the Navigator"... 'just hold me close my darling'...

Because what gives me a break when I just can't move this giant 5,000 pound burden I'm carrying around, is just that raw, emotional place where someone is really there for you, and they could just hold and protect you. Again, I can only speak for myself, but if I were Jeremy you would have the right idea.

Ultimately though, I don't think any of what I've said can help you here. Maybe, somehow, it has, because I think that's what you were asking for, right? Anyways, I understand you are hurt. Unfortunately, there are 5 stages of grieving and there are no shortcuts. I know it's hard but try to be as optimistic as you can, I'm so sorry for your loss. This comment has gone on far longer than I originally intended.

TL;DR In my opinion, holding him would be ideal, remember the 5 stages of greif.

/r/SuicideWatch Thread