This is just my experience, and thought I would add it to the mix.

I am an exmo wife of a TBM husband and daughter. I have struggled through what you are talking about, and still do a bit, but it has gotten a lot better. Let me say, it has been 5 years since I left. We talked about divorce a lot, all the way up to just recently, about six months ago. In the end, neither of us left each other because we want to keep our family together and not break it up. Plus, we love each other, and I personally am taking it as a personal growth experience for myself. I believe I am and we are together successfully making it through this.

Here are some of the things I do to make myself okay with it:

1). Time. Over time I care less and less that they believe in it. It brings them happiness and fulfillment that it does not bring to me and my life. This did not happen overnight. I used to think of all sorts of ploys to get them out. They just caused some serious fights and brought strife to my family, not peace. I gave that up. He's smart, daughter is smart. They can figure it out if they want to, but they don't want to.

2). Over time I am less disturbed by their ideas about God, and their feelings of moral superiority. They know where I stand, but I know their sense of what they think is right, that they have to work out on their own. If they think being gay, for example, or drinking wine is wrong, I just let them know I disagree, but I don't argue my points. They are just regurgitating what they are taught. If ever they quit believing one day, that would fall by the wayside.

3). If I get tired by the vibe, I get on my bike and take a nice long ride. I talk to myself with words of positive affirmation and try and take in the elements: site, beauty, sound and feeling of wind and rain and warm sun, etc. I cannot te you how healing this is to my spirit.

And last but not least: 4). I gradually add exmo ways to my life. Once a month I buy a big bottle of red wine and drink the whole thing over the weekend. He used to think I was an alcoholic, but now he sees I am not a drunk and I don't do it all the time. I added coffee in the mornings. Every morning I make it. I quit going to church. For awhile he tried manipulating me for not going, but I stuck to my guns and now he doesn't give me any grief at all. In fact, he comes home to a nice clean house and a beautiful meal. He has quit nagging.

To summarize, I gave up control, and I give them respect and reinforce the positive aspects of their faith, while being able to live more authenticly for myself.

It can work if you really want it to. For me, it is the only way because my husband means more to me than his religion, and I will give him my unconditional love. If he wishes to leave I would still love him and treat him with respect. But he won't. Because he loves me too.