I fucking hate life my mom or dad never worked they disabled my dad wasn't home he worked in different countries working we had no god damn food in the house my mom signed me up for all kinds of fucking programs to fucking get money I was fucking shy as a little kid and wanted friends so I would act nice to fucking every body and they'd call me names or hit me disrespect me rode the bus to schol with older kids from a different school so I had to fight fucking older kids I always got my fucking ass whooped I never got to any sport , and this isn't the first time it happen every time I got in a fight the kid was older then me and forced me to fight untill they beat my ass untill it's black and blue I was depressed to the fucking point to suicide it tried to suicide threes times in my life so I kept drawing later on in like I looked around and saw girls walkin up to boys and they were talking and laughing so in desperate need for friends I tried the same thing and everybody fuckin hated me so after by the 9th grade I still had hope so I tried talking to people and trying to get into a sport at school and art class non of that happened I had a fucking iep class that all the hood people were in so I had to protect my self in there as we'll 2 years after I started not to fuckin care I was a walking numb piece of shit that saw nothin but darkness any body that stared at me I came back at then with I'm going to fucking kill you face and they turned away I stared at girls like that too I'd cry my fuckin eyes out every night so my eyes were always red I thought I could escape this fucking world if I avoided girls and scared people as a senior and become a proffessional artist because of the past I didn't have any fucking feeling it was murged I didn't like to draw no more so I gave up,later on I just wanted to have fuckin sex but no fuckin girls around me I'm a fuckin 19 year old boy sexy ass fuck never had a girl friend had my own image and I started talkin harshly instead of cleans every fuckin where I. Went I went with a parent and I was full of fuckin energy to break the ice with a girl I saw with big tits and big booty that literally she was lookin at me bending over so I could slap her ass but my fuckin parent was there every fuckin time so I didn't do it, this fuckin happened 10 times I looked fuckin online to see if I could get a fuck buddy I found some sites but they were fucking hookers I was a fuckin 19 yr old Virgin on that site for 2 years turning 20 friends started talkin About how I was a Virgin dad told me to get a fuckin girl friend I said to my self so I fucking went outside to find a fuckin fuck buddy I didn't find shit.and the sexy girls I did find did not have that mind set.so the day before my birthday I said fuck it and paid for a fuckin hooker I couldn't feel fuckin any fuckin thing because of the condom she sucked me and fucked me I didn't even cum.so after 20 I started loosing my fuckin energy I saw sexy girls but I would turn my fuckin head and just go about my bussiness,I didn't do Anything with my fucking up life and now I lossed my energy I fuckin hate life now maybe I should just fuckin suicide or start killing people