Is there something particularly weong with grooming? I mean it can lead to the other stuff you mentioned which are clearly bad but what if the older spouse really can groom his partner in particular areas of the other partner's life , with clear understanding how he (u probably guessed it me) should put themself down from the pedestal if there ever was one, while giving my gf (completely gave up on general phrasing) confidence of her own and power over me at times too . ? Imo Just because someone might have initial power it doesnt necessarliy means he will take advantage of it and keep it all to himself and that good things can come from it if the initial power imbalance help set the other partner on a path to a better life and also independency