Hmm..so I've deleted several responses now. I think you're probably right. I'm just bitter and discouraged and I have a really tough time patting myself on the back. It certainly is related to perfectionism and not receiving praise as a child. Maybe it's good to try to learn that somehow. Consciously appreciating and being grateful for small achievements.

I always compare what I have to what I'd need to get what I want (not considering that I'm not even sure I know what I want), and that's plain discouraging. It doesn't help that I sometimes have unrealistic hopes and expectations. Also my brain has been in depression and anxiety mode for so long, it's just how I see the world, I guess. Umm..so I kind of want to delete this comment as well, but I'm too vain to have spent that much time with no result.