Story Time. About two months before our ten year anniversary I began to slip increasing amounts of antifreeze into her fruity pebbles in the morning. Started very slowly, as to not shock her system. By the end of the first month, she was feeling noticeably ill, and began to get concerned. I also feigned concern, and encouraged her to go to the doctor. As planned, they were stumped by the illness, and attributed it to a stomach bug.
Over the next few weeks, the antifreeze increased and the symptoms worsened. Antifreeze poisoning loosely matches the symptoms of stomach cancer (an idea I subtly planted in her head, thanks webmd!). Armed with this information, she went back into the doctors office, who encouraged her to get an MRI. The appointment was scheduled for two days before our anniversary. Perfect. As planned, during he MRI, a foreign body was detected in the pelvic area, but it was unclear during the procedure, and the doctor recommended a simple X-ray for further analysis. Unfortunately it was scheduled for the next day, this was not going to work, as I needed he X-ray to happen on our anniversary.
So that night, i slipped her some GHB with her nightly cup of morning thunder, and put her to bed. I then shoved a stretch Armstrong pump into an outlet, causing the bedroom breaker to trip, shutting off her alarm clock. As planned she slept in and missed the appointment, which was rescheduled for the following day (the anniversary!). The X-ray went off without a hitch, and my soon to be bride was scared senseless.
The wait for the doctor's post exam consult felt like it took hours, when in reality it was a matter of minutes. I was just so excited. The doctor came in the room, looking concerned and bewildered, with a large 11x17 envelope, containing the long awaited results. He broached the subject carefully, asking if we had any "peculiar" sexual interests. Outside of our simple fetish with Ben Stiller caricatures (another story for another time), the answer was "no, why?" They had detected a foreign body in her vaginal cavity.
He opened the envelope, extracting the X-ray with painstaking slowness. He handed it to her, and pointed to the foreign body, with a look of discomfort on his wrinkled face. A silhouette of an engagement ring was clearly visible. At that moment I got to one knee and asked her to be my bride.