Furst chalter of my story, any critique would be appreciated.

Word word, thanks for the input. I'll try an cut down on the fancy wordplay and be less flowery with my speech.

I tried to emphasize Nero's voice a bit more, due to previous criticism of his voice not coming through enough.

Though, this is more of a training sort of regiment, the point wasn't to have stakes. The point was to introduce the character and some of the concepts. Though the key was to be engaging and you did not seem to be engaged, so I need to do something about that.

Part of what I wanted to do with the action is to take most of the imagination out of it, because I've have critiques that say they were confused and things weren't clear. Explaining everything thoroughly has seemed to net the best response. What do you think I could do to improve? Or do you have an suggestions as to what author/book I could learn from?

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