Trying to sort out everything, can't sort out anything.

I feel like I'm bipolar but I can't express that I am because I need to act normal in order to be treated normal so I don't have 'privileges' taken away from me by the government.

I try to get help, I act and express how I feel and every time it seems like the worst things happen. Everyone flips their shit and I'm forced into a situation where everything becomes harder because I lose my social privileges.

Trying to find something to be passionate about to fill my time with and be a little more normal with the rest of society, and I can't find that thing. Anything I express my opinion on in a large open forum gets absolutely shit on be the majority, which just makes me depressed. I feel like I can't catch a break even though I don't think that is entirely true.

I can't get a girl out of my head even though she lives thousands of miles away and we're better off friends than anything more serious in my head, which is completely on me. She doesn't know I have a crush on her right now that's been showing it's face for the last 7-9 months. She might have an inclination I like her but I tend to downplay everything when I'm around her and run away because I just can't work out how the two of us would work and I think it would be a bad idea to try anything but at the same time, all I want is to be around her for some reason, even thought she lives miles upon miles away from me.

In short, I'm a mess but the world seems to see me as being completely fine and stable and I don't know how to fix that or get help. I've even seen a psychiatrist and therapist lately within the last two weeks and they both said I was pretty normal and at worst I just had some existential crisis's I should go and talk to some non-psych therapists about. It runs deeper than that I think but I can't tell them that or I won't be able to drive/travel/etc and it's just a big burden on me I feel.