Hi, I have never ever wrote on here but I do read the questions other people have wrote and the answers too so thought I would give it a try to see if anyone could spare a word or two to help me.

Fourteen years ago, when I was 28, I was kidnapped, beaten and gang raped for six hours. I didnt know my attackers and although three of them were caught, a technicality on the warrant used to search their property made it impossible to pursue them legally. I dont care about that and never have done. They are rapists, simple as.

But my life has been a mess since then. I spent the first few years after it going slowly mad and turning to alcohol to numb the PTSD I was diagnosed with. I then got help from professionals but I chose to dive straight into my work and food as my next addiction.

I was a 28 year old woman getting her life together when it happened. I am now 43 and weigh 320 pounds. I have one relationship since that day and it was a horrible abusive mess. I feel like I am waking up now to what a mess my life is and I cant believe I have wasted what should be the best years of my life working for a company that I dont really care about and eating myself into depression and loneliness.

How do you get over the regret of not making more of your life? How do you get over the regret of not choosing earlier to be grateful that my rapists didnt kill me and instead choose to have the best life you can. There are people out there who have it much worse than me and dont survive this. I did and I have made such a mess of it. I am angry and ashamed of myself as I am in a bigger mess now than I was 14 years ago and there isnt their fault. That is mine.

Any help or advice anyone?