I understand where you are coming from, but I also understand where those particular lesbians are coming from. They have been told over and over again that they just haven't found the right man, or that they would enjoy having sex with people who have pen!ses (who may or may not identify as male) if they would just "open their minds" and consider them as viable sex partners. Some of these lesbians may have been subjected to conversion therapy when they were younger, or they tried the whole "comp het" thing and it was very painful for them. Others have been in situations where they got involved with a self-proclaimed lesbian who eventually dumped them for a man. They do not wish to repeat this experience.

Thus, these are women whose boundaries have never been respected, which explains their need for gatekeeping. They see it as a threat to themselves if a woman calls herself a lesbian while engaging in sexual relations with anyone who isn't an AFAB woman, because it opens the door to more of that "open your mind and just consider trying it" kind of abuse. (And it IS abuse.) They also don't want their hearts broken by women who identify as lesbians, but will jump ship and return to a heterosexual relationship with a man when the opportunity presents itself.

I am not much of a "label" person myself. I also don't get real hung up on people's pasts. If you identify as a lesbian now, but you were married to a man for 20 years and always had a wee bit of a crush on Brad Pitt, I don't have a problem with that. Most of the lesbians I know fit under that umbrella. Gold stars are actually quite rare.

Anyhow, I guess if there is a point to what I am trying to say here, it's that members of the LGBT+ community need to listen to each other and understand each other. We probably won't always agree, but it helps to understand where everyone is coming from. There is a whole mean, straight world out there ready to do us harm, so we need to stick together.