I gave my friend a fatal dose of heroin and it still haunts me

Well yes but actually no. When I came home a couple days AFTER she died... I was working in the south hills of Cody Wyoming and had no cell phone service, working on an 8000 sq foot cabin style home doing custom drywall a two hour drive from home... I didn’t get reception until I was 40 minutes away from the site... I was driving on the highway and my phone reached service, this was the late-ish 2000s, my phone went crazy with text notifications, missed calls (I think) and voice mails. I pulled over at the next gas station to investigate because I drove a manual sports car with no cruise control and very few safety features and the situation unfolded about 100 texts and dozens of voicemails and hundreds of MySpace (or Facebook idk) messages later I think. What I remember was calling her Mom (my daughters grandma) and she calmly confirmed what people had been telling me and explained what had happened. She explained, once again very calmly, that her and her husband were taking custody. I was in shock and didn’t know what to say or do but she told me that my first stop in town would be at cps (child protective services) and that I would need to seek legal counsel and then a meeting between all of us with a mediator. I could explain what happened but I’ll just say that they asked for a mouth swab at cps and I gave it them even though I found out later I DIDNT HAVE TO. And I was positive for marijuana and opiates, hydrocodone 15s my co-worker was giving me to ease our body pain, me with no prescription. I may as well have been doing heroin for all their drug test cared, it was an opiate. They were awarded temporary guardianship and I was perceived as my partners partner in crime even tho we only did marijuana together never opiates.

This is the kind of the TLDR, I was late to the party coming home, I lost custody by way of “temporary guardianship” being terminated due to one hot U.A. And a long series of hearings that I systematically failed at. BUT my Mother and father in law were saints and let me see my daughter after a parenting plan was denied by the court because I wasn’t following the proper protocol.

So yeah before your heart goes out to me, they gave me an excuse to stay drunk and loaded for years because they were the hero’s in the situation, and I gladly took that opportunity because I felt so fucking sorry for myself.

Ugh. I think that’s enough emotional diarrhea all over you. I hope I didn’t try to sound like a victim like I sometimes try too... I was working two full time jobs so I assumed I was taking care of all of our financial and emotional needs and that was good enough lol to be young and naive. I could literally write a book about everything we were as a family, everything we did, the trip to Disney land, the wedding plans, the houses we lived in the cars we bought, the fights we had, but ya know there was this one day she was gone POOF! And now it only exists in my head and it trips me out. If I died today nobody would know hardly anything about it. ...

Oh no I’ve rambled so long it’s 2 am I better shower and go to bed, my now wife just came home from shutting down the bar she bartends at And is wondering who I’m texting lol. I’m erasing this message later so I hope you see it.

/r/confession Thread Parent