Thank you for this.

I can identify with and confirm your entire post. I’m German with Middle Eastern background and I was also raised in an affluent neighborhood and attended good schools, growing up with probably 99% white people around me.

Most of the people messaging me on dating apps, fetishize/sexualize me in a way that they blatantly go ahead and tell me of their fantasies they have about being dominated by "people like me". I’m not even using sex-focused apps like grindr. These are reactions I get on my tinder profile, where I even clearly state that I am not looking for hook ups but rather dating or friends.

I wouldn’t even mind receiving messages like these, if they weren’t the clear majority of messages I get, which leaves me with the same feeling you mentioned - it seems for better or worse, people have clear stereotypical expectations and judgments as to what character traits "someone like me" should be having, unwilling and not curious to find out if their assumptions are true or not.

However, while this can be a bit frustrating at times, I can’t blame them. I might be different in that I’m not looking for hook ups, but just like them I have a preference too. You called it "whitewashed". And there is a lot of stigma around this topic but I noticed that, probably due to growing up the way I did, I feel most drawn and attracted to white guys. It feels horrible to think in such ways and to have stereotypes in my mind but I have accepted that this is a preference I have. However, at the same time, I would never reject anyone for the color of their skin and I dated and am friends with guys of all kinds of races - of course! But I do see that kind of preference pattern for white guys in myself.

So, in that regard I guess I can kinda see why people perceive me the way they do. I would just hope that just like I’m interested in getting to know all kinds of people and am curious about their stories despite my preference for white guys, other people would be open too, even if someone doesn’t necessarily fit their preference.

To me, personality can outweigh preference.

In conclusion: I don’t want to condemn preferences and stereotypes. But I do hope to meet people (like me) who can look beyond them too.