Why do gay men seem so rare in poly spaces?

I'm an autistic nb gay poly guy.. I have like six close friends with benefits. No labels, I like to stay in that blurry space in between friendship and intimacy. And it's only that few because I'm saturated and can't do more right now. Maybe you're just not looking in the right places? I usually chat with guys on grindr and ask anyone I have a connection with to meet up for coffee or drinks, and go from there. I usually get at least a platonic friend out of it, if not a fuckbuddy or something more intimate.

But I work really, really hard to make myself dateable and friendable. I work out twice a week, do judo three times a week, take guitar lessons, keep up with current events and media so I always have an excess of things to talk about, memorize poetry, always try to innovate with my style... it works, and if I can get someone in front of me a friendship is pretty much a done deal, but I guess I can forget how hard it was to get to point. A ton of failures and frustrations and horrible cringey moments and guys I really liked that will probably never talk to me again.

/r/polyamory Thread Parent