Alright. So. I put something together in therapy yesterday. Possible trigger warning:assault
I was roofied and sexually assaulted almost 4.5 years ago when it was my first time drinking alcohol at a semi public conference party. Since then, I've never had alcohol in public spaces and only drink in private house parties. I never put two and two together and considered that maybe my aversion to drinking in public spaces could be related to that event so many years ago - where I couldn't control the environment and put myself in such a situation. And idk, I just felt happy about it because now I know that I'm not broken or stupid or paranoid or whatever. So that's my good news.
Also we talked about my dating experience- I think I'm just happier not dating right now for whatever intimacy/selfish reasons so I'm not really trying. I'm just looking at what happens if I hit it off with someone and I'm very reluctant to give up part of my life to make space for that someone. Hence I'm stuck in the cycle of trying to date, scheduling a couple dates week(s) in advance, then canceling them bc I'm not feeling it.
Lastly, I spent 3 days on something at work which I'm still stuck on.... sigh why is life so hard.