Genuinely considering suicide.

I understand completely… I don’t even have a job, have debt and almost all my law school peeps have their licenses 7 years ago… it’s agonizing… not sure if I ever find a job even if I ever pass this test… I have kids and I barely find time to study. It hurts losing time with my kids to go study to then fail. This time I felt I was doing better than other times but today I almost cried at lunch in my car bc I had to fill up more than 10 bubbles. Depression adhd anxiety… I just feel like if I pass this test nobody would even think of the struggle couple months later which is bittersweet bc we deserve to be at least acknowledged for being able to rise after our falls but on the good side no one would care how many times we took this test. I know is embarrassing to say we failed and not one of my peers asked me if I passed. They probably think I’m dumb and a failure. I have thought of call this suicide hot line but everything I even think of talking about myself tears flow and I feel like I couldn’t even hold a conversation with anyone about myself. I could try text them. But then again what is the purpose? I know I also feel so down that I’m constantly thinking we are so temporary and that I’m making my short miserable aging me down and damaging my health and waste time studying for this test. It’s crazy. But I’m determined to pass this test someday and when I do I would still bash this test as a complete waste of time and seriously detrimental to the health of the students. This test doesn’t prove about competency as we can all see every year on new in re cases. They should divide like medicine or accounting license tests in four parts and those parts being internships on different areas. But to finish this long reply, I understand you completely. Sorry I don’t have any encouragement words, or anything you might want to hear. For me I want to hear the truth and would love to have someone like me to tell me the truth. I would seek help as other people said. I need to do so myself but I just don’t do it for reasons stated above. If anything helps calm you down, I’m currently listening to this son while I sleep my baby: https://music.apple.com/us/album/your-song-saved-my-life-from-sing-2/1592745677?i=1592745689

/r/barexam Thread