A few years ago I decided to teach myself how to draw and found myself actually pretty good at it; enough so that during a period of unemployment I made some cash doing commissioned pet portraits at up to a couple hundred bucks apiece.

But for some reason I have this irrational fear when I start a piece that I'll fuck it up. A big part of that is that I'm working from a reference photo, so I have this specific goal in mind. I think I'm afraid that I'll put all of this work and effort into a piece only to have it turn out "wrong."

I stopped doing commissions when I went back to work and really didn't draw anything for almost 2 years. I recently sat down and started working on this smilodon skull that was sitting on my drawing board the whole time. I've gotten a significant amount done, enough that I can almost see the home stretch. But for some reason I keep finding excuses on why I can't work on it that day.

Maybe it's just a practice thing - my finished non-practice works, including commissions, probably number less than 20. Does it get easier? It still feels like every time I sit down I'm struggling because I don't always know how to just make it happen.

Actually now that I'm typing this out I'm realizing there's a definite pattern. I start out not at all confident I can pull it off. Get into the groove and things are better. Then during the bulk of it, confidence crashes. Fear of failure sets in. I make myself finish because I'm on a deadline (most of my drawings have been commission), step back, and say holy shit, I made that!

But since this is my own piece with no deadline... I'm in that bad place. It'll be better when I'm done, I know, but it sucks.

Does anyone/did anyone go through this? How do/did you get past it so that bad spot doesn't happen as often?