This is getting really out of hand really fast, I can't stop and now my tolerance is so high and I don't access to more

Do you even have adhd?

Not trying to say this in a hateful, judgmental way, but just re-read everything you wrote, re read it at least 10 times and realize that you're being an idiot. I went through something similar, I know what it can get like, but i've seen so many people fall into that cycle so quickly and then get angsty and desperate for more,

When I fell into that sort of cycle, I realized there was a problem, I used it as fuel to pull my head out of my ass. I'm still prescribed medication but I DO NOT WANT to be abusing it because it offers me too much to let go to waste. Why would you be angry about the fact that you have it locked away in a safe and have a schedule? That's A GOOD thing, it means you have the opportunity to control yourself and maximize coverage,

if you have ADHD, being able to maximize your coverage with scheduled dosing like that is a godsend, and is something i'm looking into myself. I trust myself to keep my medication under control as is, even though i've abused to this sort of degree in the past, i've been through meth benders and the like, but I seriously don't get how people get so fucking upset about not being able to have speed after they willfully waste it

why not realize that if you can't function without it, that going without is doing you more harm then good, you need to keep it under control, take a break for a few weeks, let your tolerance drop and go through the withdrawals head on. Observe the difference, observe what you're throwing away by misusing and abusing your medication, get it into your head that if you're prescribed these meds for a genuine condition, it is absolutely not worth going about it the way you are currently.

Stop snorting it, seriously. If you can't, talk to your doctor about switching to vyvanse, tell your parents you want to take a break from it for a while and not to dispense you any if you're afraid of them finding out and never being comfortable with you having it again,

there's options, and you need to explore them, ultimately though, based on the way you're talking about it, i'd highly recommend getting off medication and finding some value in sober life before you even consider getting back on stimulant medication, and only do so if after a prolonged break and finding some value in your day to day life, you still have symptoms that interfere. Stimulants are not antidepressants, they can have antidepressant qualities, but this very line

"But it's the best thing about my day, the only thing I look forward to anymore"

this in itself, implies to me that you more than likely have some serious depression, lack of self esteem or otherwise a very very bland lifestyle, something which you are now masking with stimulants

/r/Drugs Thread