ghkl

'I told you.'

Yes, well- anecdotal evidence doesn't carry much weight in my mind/circuitry. 

'You're going to make me clean this up, aren't you?'

Volunteering as an ambulant assistant carries with it certain responsibilities.

The small greyish humanoid sighed and scratched the interior of one nostril thoughtfully. It watched as the hulking green lump of muscle and teeth casually pried an arm out of the socket of... well, of the mess on the floor that had once been a rather briefly startled human adventurer. 

'I'll get the hose, but you really need to take some of my advice seriously from now on. I've been around these parts a lot longer than you and know what's what.'

Telling me 'they won't get along' wasn't quite descriptive enough for my needs. It didn't inform me, for instance, of just how quickly and thoroughly the 'orc' would be able to dismember the human.

'Around these parts we just sort of know that kind of thing without needing to be told. It's probably the teeth.' Segevik examined the extraction on the tip of one claw, then flicked it idly away as he turned towards the equipment locker. He listened to the grunts and thumps and the orc was ushered out of the room and back into its containment vessel by way of heavy electrical shocks. The goblin pulled the hose out of the locker for the third time that week and gave the valve an expert spin.

'To get a jump on you before you try out your next social experiment; please do not try to observe relations between your captured elf and anything else alive. Just... don't.'

Details, please.

Segevik pushed open the door to the containment vessel and took a look around, orienting himself to the sheer level of mess. He squeezed the handle and began to get some of the worst of it off the ceiling. 'Elves an everyone else is... is like oil an water, alright? They don't get along. At all.' He sidestepped to avoid something vaguely blueish that hit the floor with a decidedly organic 'plop'. The smell in the chamber was pretty bad, but compared to the goblin caves Segevik had grown up in it wasn't all that awful; at least the meaty smell was fresh.

With reference to the orc/human interaction, I should assume that the slender humanoid would be killed outright?

'No, the other way around. Except slower, with care, and a lot of giggling. Elfs is shit, don't have, uh... what's the word...' Segevik's lumpy brow furled some, causing extraneous wrinkles to appear most of the way down his long nose. He washed an eyeball down the drain with a wrist motion he was getting practiced at, 'Feeling bad for other things, starts with an 'M'.'

Empathy?

'Something like that. Nasty things. Everything is fun and games until they skin someone alive, then it's a sport to see who can get the unlucky bugger they caught to make the funniest noise.'

I feel like this might be another example of anecdotal hearsay and bias. I've numerous files from my previous plane of existence that suggests elves were tall, noble-

'Beautiful and graceful and all that trot. Sure. They're like that here too, so long as you observe from a distance. Orcs is bastards, but they're honest about it.'

Interesting. I've released a lab rabbit into the elf's enclosure to monit- ah.

Segevik nodded sagely, switching the hose's nozzle to something with a bit more oomph to sweep away the chunkier bits of adventurer down the disposal drain. 'Ripped its skin off to make a hand puppet?'

Hmm.

'Elfs is shit, no joke. Steal babies to eat and all that awful stuff. Humans tell all kinds of nonsense about us goblins, but piss all about elf nastiness. It's like they forget, even as they play hunt-for-Billy's-lung after they come visit. But goblin steals one chicken from a hundred and all goblins become unforgivable scum.' He grunts as the last of the mess swirls away down the drain, then steps out of the room, pulling the hose out behind him and starting to get it rolled back up into its locker.

If the sapient species tend to be so hostile to eachother, how is it they have been able to co-habitate the same world to such a technological level?

'Search me. Us goblins took to the caves long ago; a 'keep-your-head-down-and-it-won't-get-bitten-off' kinda thing.'

This state of affairs seems almost farsical.

'It certainly is a lot of arse. Now, can you tell me more about how you got that thing with the big tube on the roof to do what it did?'

The 30mm anti-aircraft cannon?

'If that was the thing that blew the dragon in half, then yes.'

It is a bit complicated.

'Consider me interested. I know a few goblins who are good with metal and might like to make something similar.'
/r/u_SuborbitalQuail Thread