The girl I’m seeing just threw a big red flag.

I know this is a gross overgeneralization, but it doesn't mean it's not useful. Women who are 34 (that year specifically) for some reason tend to be afraid of serious relationships unless they're the ones pushing for it. That is, they could be with the perfect guy, but unless they believe a serious relationship was their idea, they'll alienate him.

Like I said, it's a gross overgeneralization and doesn't hold true for most 34 year olds. But here's how that line of thinking can be useful. At 37/38, most men, most people, are grownups. And their attitude towards solving problems is to talk it out.

But at 34, a person who prefers to be the initiator of a relationship doesn't want to be talked to.

Again a gross overgeneralization. But the useful part is this: actions speak louder than words. Anything you say will reek of insecurity. And if you do nothing, you'll feel like a pushover. So here's what you do: cool your jets. Back off and and treat her like a cool friends with benefits but you're still looking for the one (assuming you are).

You'll be there for her, but your not putting all your eggs in one basket. When she's ready for that next step, she'll initiate it. Be out by taking about finances, or whatever.

But at the same time, you're not waiting around for her. You're saying and talking to other girls. And if she ever asks you if you're serious, that's her trying to initiate a serious relationship with you.

Actions speak louder than words.

I'm curious to know how things turned out with her, simply because similar things have happened to me with 90% of the 34 year old women I've dated. So please keep us updated.

/r/datingoverthirty Thread