Alright Reddit. This is the least throw away account I have as I lurk way more often than comment but this is serious and I have no idea what to do. Unfortunately that means that my girlfriend will likely read this at some point. I don't expect her to be happy as she was raised in a family where you don't reach out, but I'm grasping at straws here so I have to ask for it.
TL;DR girlfriend has cancer, though we don't know how bad yet. Please read I need help figuring this out and thinking of what I can do to help.
Quick summary of our relationship. She is the single most amazing person I've ever met. We originally met on Okcupid and were a 99% match after answering 1600 questions. We only had 2 unacceptable answers, both trivial. We get along in every single way. I don't believe in soul mates or people being perfect for each other but this really seems like it.
Right now she is going to Stanford University on scholarship which unfortunately means that I'm about 2000 miles away from her. She is taking online classes at the moment because she has gone to stay with her family in Oregon to help take care of her sick cousin who in in the final stages of ALS. She is actually paying rent to her aunt and uncle so her being there doesn't put any strain on the family.
Her mom is the single most narcissistic person I have ever even heard of and refuses to put her back on her parents insurance because she sees her leaving to pursue college and her dreams as some sort of a slight. Seriously, her mom talks about her husband’s heart attack as something that affected her and flips it around so that she is the victim. Things like now he is neglecting her now or some such bs. Not entirely surprisingly her dad won't stand up to the mom on this issue.
She has insurance through her school, but I guess there are no doctors in the area of Oregon that she is in that are in her network so her insurance is denying her treatments. Everything so far has been paid out of pocket.
She has had an ultrasound and mammogram which revealed a mass the size of a golf ball near the wall of her chest. She has a family history with early cancer in it, but at 23 wasn't at all expecting to have to deal with this so soon.
A biopsy is being scheduled now and once that is completed we will know how bad the situation is. However given the history and size of the mass no one at the moment is expecting it to not be cancer.
So I’m coming to you Reddit with a few questions. What can I do or can be done. Are there organizations that help people fight cancer or help pay for treatments, can I ask people to donate are there people I should be reaching out to? I don't know if I urge her to go back to California to get treatment there or to stay in Oregon. Can the insurance through the school be appealed that they should pay for this even if she is out of network? She is applying for insurance in Oregon as I guess they take care of people who have cancer there. I haven't had the chance to even look into that yet.
She is freaked out and we are talking, but this was all put on her this morning. She has barely had time to process it and me going at her with all this stuff isn't going to help right now.
I don't know what to do. She has become my best friend and connects with me on levels I never expected to find all in one person. I can't stand the thought of losing her, not when she is 2000 miles away.