Kinda fucked up for me to mention this and she always denied it but I kinda thought she liked it when I was more forceful when she resisted, I realize the big stereotype of girls who were sexually assaulted. Eh I am really bad at wording things. But this was not above the norm of what we normally did, At least I felt it wasn't, it always kinda made me uncomfortable but that's where poor communication comes in, and that is my fault as well. Maybe I'm trying to rationalize my actions but just explaining where my head was in the moment.

I think I understand the situation more, I triggered something in her, weither it be bad timing plus my actions and she froze and could not communicate that towards me, I misread everything due to being drunk, so absolutely my fault. But whoa the situation is just frucked.