My bf cheated on me 3 years ago and lied to me for a long time until recently where he disclosed everything (or so he says) after a near death experience he had which made him extremely guilty. I had found out he cheated a year ago but forgave him because I was doing something that hurt him also and this was his way of acting out. However he lied about the extent of everything till now and I'm just in shock. It was hard to respect him and want him sexually for a while but I just got tired of not having sex. I keep having thoughts of cheating on him but I know it won't help me feel better because I don't even want to cheat, I'm just hurt. I gave in eventually because I have physical needs but when we do have sex, sometimes I'm there but mostly I dissociate or imagine different things. I feel like I'm lying to myself and it feels like I'm cheating emotionally because I'm thinking of other things when I'm with him. It's a side effect of his infidelity and I think we both feel it. There's not an easy way to work this out so I'm getting individual counseling and we're looking into couples counseling together. There's not much else to do unless I choose to leave this relationship, in which case I would still need therapy.