Yeah I understand. I try to be as charitable as possible and give her the benefit of the doubt when it seems legitimate (sometimes i can objectively see the legitimacy of the complaint but it spirals into crazy if I indulge it) but when I hit my limit, I become stone cold and refuse to engage anymore. I used to feel mean and guilty but now I feel angry that I have to deal with it yet again. Ive found that literally saying “if you start with your victimization and histrionics, I am walking away, the more you behave like a put-upon victim the world is out to get, the angrier I will become, I’m not tolerating that shit”. Then walk away if they even raise their voice. Set the boundary and stick to it. It’s almost like training them so they know that behavior automatically gets an ice cold response and a cut off.