She says she was already in DBT therapy for four years after she realized her decisions were isolating her from everyone, and took responsibility for her actions in those relationships. She didn't blame her partner, and said it was all because of her being unable to reconcile with her emotions and needing outside validation, just like you said. Do you have a link to that study?

She said her main focus is on regulating these emotions and seeking validation from within, and says her life and self-image have completely transformed since she started. She says that she wanted to be sure she had this under control and said she was very apprehensive about entering another relationship, but felt that she was ready and has been committed to continuing treatment through our relationship.

However, given what you and others here have said, this sounds like typical manipulative jargon that pwbpd's tend to regurgitate like, "Look at me I'm better!" and it makes me scared if we have a problem down the road, that she will convince herself she isn't the problem because she's been in therapy.

The reason why I didn't immediately up and leave the second she dropped this bombshell on me is that she genuinely seemed sincere and genuinely was taking steps to try to solve the problem, but the more and more I read about people's experiences, I feel like I am wasting my time and opening myself up to emotional abuse later.

I don't want to write her off if there is any possibility that this can be worked through, and if she has taken all this time to work on herself, I would feel callous to say 'doesn't matter, you're bpd, bye', but again, reading people's own experiences here and elsewhere online, it doesn't seem like it is worth pursuing and that everyone who has this condition is un-dateable for life even with treatment and medication.