I know I'm late to this one, but hopefully I'm not repeating too much of what everyone said.

In my relationship, even though we've talked about it several times, I'm largely responsible for being romantic throughout the week, doing things to make her feel special, figuring out when she might be in the mood, making the first move, interpreting how she responds, reacting to anything from being treated like an annoyance to reluctant consent or even enthusiastic consent.

But then I also have to get her warmed up, which involves guessing where she wants to be touched and how she wants to be touched, adjusting lighting to an acceptable level for her, making sure she feels comfortable and isn't nervous, kissing her the right amount (but not too much or in the wrong way), only playing with her nipples if she's that's something she's in the mood for, and maybe throwing in a back massage or foot rub if she's too tense.

Once we eventually get to the actual sex, I have to again psychically guess exactly what she wants and how she wants it. I'm responsible for making sure she has an orgasm, as well as making sure I have an orgasm, but I also have to time the two so they happen at almost the same time because she doesn't like me continuing after she's done.

When she's on top, it's a little easier since she can more easily get herself off, but she'd never be able to get me off if I didn't still put in most of the effort.

And even though I have that entire laundry list of responsibilities, if I get any of it wrong, she'll let me know immediately that I messed up. But I also know that if I let the pressure of being responsible for getting everything right get to me and lose my erection, she'll also be upset.

As you can imagine, that's a lot of pressure.

I know women worry about how they look during sex, but the overwhelming majority have no idea what it's like to be held responsible for every single part of sex other than showing up and consenting. And you also don't have to worry about your boyfriend or husband stopping the sex just because you accidentally pinched something or caught a few hairs under your arm or couldn't hear something you said very quietly.

Plus, most men have been taught to be very careful of women's feelings in anything related to their bodies or sex. Women tend to be much more blunt with their criticisms of your performance.

So yes, performance anxiety is 100% a thing.