Coming out of my last relationship, I realized that I am/was a shitty person. Back then, I had no idea that I was a shitty person. Don't get me wrong, she was a shitty person too. But I realized how shitty of a person I was by the way I reacted to her shittyness. I thought since she harmed me first, that I had every right to do the same in return (non-physical, and not causing any life changes like fucking with her employment). She eventually broke up with me for being a shitty person. The thing is, I had no idea I was being a shitty person. I really thought, "I've given so much to her and got so little in return". I made myself believe that she was the shitty person... and she was. But I was too.

I was just so completely oblivious to my own actions. I thought I was the best lover ever, but then came to realize that I was actually kind of emotionally abusive. Looking back, and realizing what I have since realized, I never would have acted the ways that I did. I purposefully hurt her on some occasions. I'm pretty sure she did the same to me, but I'm better than that deep down. And if I had actually realized what I was doing back then, I would have never done it. Even though I purposefully hurt her, I justified it to myself and led myself to believe that I was in the right. But shitty actions are shitty actions. Period.

And I think most "niceguys" are nice in their own mind. They're just kind of stuck in their belief system. And they're lonely and frustrated. And everything that they have seen in movies and TV has failed them. And they don't understand the extent to which women get attention. The don't realize that women aren't looking for "I'll do anything for you" type of guys. They're looking for, "I have my own life, it'd be cool if you join me" type of guys. They don't realize that when girls come to them bitching about their boyfriend, that it's all exaggerated and they're blowing off steam. Or it's their, one-sided, version of the story. And "niceguys" would never treat you like that--that exaggerated, one-sided recollection of an event.

And "niceguys" are frustrated, because what they hear is someone reaching out to validate their emotions, but not offering up the pussy in return. Yet the "niceguys" don't offer much in return. They go and say something like, "I can't believe he treats you like that". Their emotions are validated and then they return back to their comfortable life with their SO--that's all they are looking for from you..... But the not-so-niceguys ask something like, "Can you blame him? It's been 4 months since you've had sex! I know you want him to take the trash out for once, but you're still with him for a reason. What's that reason?". At that point you either get a real response, or find an opportunity to move in.

I went off on a tangent, but really, as a former "niceguy", I can say that we don't mean to be so "nice". We just think that being nice will advance our love life. And we have expectations for our love life. And if they're not fulfilled, then we fly off the fucking handle. When things go our way, then we're really great people. But when they're not quite going our way, is when we lose our way. We have every intention to love someone else, but do not necessarily have the capacity or knowledge to do it in a healthy fashion. In my case, that all comes with life-experience and wisdom. "Niceguys" really do want to love and be loved, but they don't always understand what it is to love and be loved. I hate to be an apologists for people who seem so shitty on the surface, but deep down we're misguided and have a fucked up belief system. "Too little too late" in my last relationship, but I've finally opened my eyes and saw the person that I truly am. I have always been a "niceguy" deep down, but now I'm a niceguy with my brain too.