I was almost one of these guys. It surprised me how easy it was to almost be a stalker without realizing you were about to be "that guy".
I had just gotten out of a shitty relationship and was in a city that was new where I didn't know anyone. I started dating this girl I met in a class and I really liked her. She was very hot and out of my league, combined with the fact that I was totally alone and without friends, so I got a little clingy. I visited her at work, always wanted to hang out, and she lost interest. She ended it with me and I got pretty depressed. Looking back, it is interesting to think about my actions and my thought process that almost sent me off the deep end to full on stalker:
-First, I addressed that I new what I did that was wrong. I was clingy and sensitive. I told her I knew this and I asked for a second chance. She declined (wisely). I thought maybe I could talk her into it. So I continued to engage her until she insisted that I stop. Eventually she ignored me, but I was convinced that if I explained why I was so clingy, she would understand and give me another chance. So here I was texting and calling a girl who wanted nothing to do with me. I was harassing her, but I didn't see it.
-We went to the same college, so I saw her often even though she wanted to avoid me. I thought that if I left her line of sight for too long, she would forget about me. If she forgot about me I would lose my chance to win her back. So I found ways to always be around her. Have lunch at places I new she liked, just happen to walk by her class when it was getting out (even though I had class nowhere near her), "accidentally" park by her car. So long as she saw me and had me on her mind, I still had a chance. She worked at an ATV and dirt bike store, so suddenly I was interested in getting an ATV. I showed up at her work, "forgetting" that she worked there. So now I was stalking her, but in my mind, I hadn't done anything wrong. I just wanted to see her.
-This all happened around Christmas. I had already bought her Christmas gift before we broke up. I thought it was a thoughtful gift, so maybe if she saw how thoughtful this gift was, she would figure out that I understand her and she would accept me. The problem was she didn't want to see me. So how could I get her the gift? Maybe leave it on her car at her work, never mind that she transferred to a new store more than 30 miles away from me (hopefully not to get away form me, but possibly). I already knew where it was, so I drove over in the middle of a storm to drop off my gift to her on her car.
There I was, sitting in my car in the middle of a storm, looking into her workplace and watching her, waiting for her to look away so I can drop off my gift in secret. But then I got a call from my mom. We talked for a moment and I brought up that I was just dropping off the gift to my ex because we were still definitely friends. She pushed me on it and asked if she really wanted the gift. Of course she did, I said. Its a very thoughtful gift that I knew she'd like. Then my mom said that maybe it wasnt a good idea to get my ex a gift. She said it was a little creepy. My mom said that what I was doing was creepy.
That was my wakeup call.
I took a moment and thought about everything I was doing and did my best to look at it from a 3rd party perspective. Calling unsolicited? Coming to her work? Following her at school? Wow that was some creepy shit. So I drove home, bought the entire Scrubs 1st season, and threw away the gift. She never knew that I had followed her (mostly), never knew that I went to her work that night in a storm to give her a present, and I never saw her again.
After that, anytime I had a break up, I would do my best to look outside myself and before I did anything at all regarding an ex, I would ask myself "Would mom find this creepy?"
Safely never stalked anyone again.
TL;DR - I started stalking an ex until my mom told me I was being creepy.