Back when I was in college, I was driving home from college to visit my hometown during winter break. As you know, rest stops are few and far between in the States. I thought I'd drop by some janky gas station for a snack. Ended up getting a burrito, as I recall.

Well an hour or so down the road, the worst feeling came bubbling up from my nether regions. I had eaten something purely alien and it could not be digested. I had to take a massive dump. It turns out it was one of those silent sneaky killers that is pure liquid. Potential for holding it in was zero.

I immediately tried to take the next exit. Saw a McDonalds and pulled in. But as I got out of the car, I felt it coming. I immediately went into last ditch effort mode: Stop ALL movement and clinch your butt cheeks together with every fiber of your being. No walking. I clinched and clinched and must have squeezed my car door harder than a snapjaw turtle. But alas, it was not to be. I remember looking up at the sky in denial, in a sheer moment of universal truth that we are all slaves to our bodily functions. I let it go....

So there I was with a massive liquid dump in my pants in the Mcdonalds parking lot. As I was traveling I had extra clothes handy. I immediately grabbed some and waddled to the bathroom, leaving a dribble trail of liquidy dump all the way to the restroom.

It gets worse. The trail was all over the bathroom as well. I quickly and sloppily tried to wash myself, periodically looking up in pure fear at the door, hoping no one would come in and see a young man with shit all over and naked from the waist down.

I thankfully finished by business and got my new pants on. But shit was everywhere still. I knew a confrontation was inevitable. I quickly threw my shit stained pants/boxers in the trashcan and exited to find a young, maybe 16 year old female McD employee with mop and bucket about to enter the men's bathroom due to the still obvious shit trail leading in from outside.

I thought about just bolting right then and there, but I just couldn't do it to this short girl just clutching her mop. And it was obvious that she knew that it was me. So yes I did man up. I simply told her to her face "hey, I'm so sorry but I've had a bit of an accident in there. It's very messy and I really think I should clean it up instead of you."

She let me and I apologized afterwards and made sure they weren't going to call the cops on me or anything.

Every time since then I passed that interstate exit from college to my hometown I made sure to speed on by.

Thanks for the giveaway~