Show appreciation for God's Super Loving and Totally Real Free Will!*

*Failure to stick to terms and conditions laid out within baptismal contract facilited by God's legal non-profit the "Watch Tower" will result in loss of benefits from utilizing "Super Loving and Totally Real Free Will!"

True "Free Will" is forfeit if subject breaches contract by not aligning himself with the guidelines laid out in the "Conscience Handbook". Offences include but not limited to:

• Asking questions
• Viewing source material not approved by Watch Tower and it's subsidiaries
• Tight Suits
• Insufficient contribution of time, money and other resources to "Watch Tower"
• Waifu Pillows
• Non approved Friends
• Association with one who has publicly or privately breached their "Free Will" contract
• Non Bible Based entertainment
• Girls Kissing
• Clothing and Grooming choices that do not reflect the choices suggested to identify you as being with the "Brotherhood"
• Using your allowance on Ice Cream Trucks

These may be added to, removed or changed at any time without notice or requirement to inform the subject in advance.

Those who fail to comply or commit a contract breaching offence will be subject to discipline including but not limited to: Public Shaming, Dismemberment, Hot Dogization, Familial Shunning, Becoming Bird Food, Forfeiture of Pet Tiger in Paradise, and Death.

"Don't be a robot, Enjoy God's Loving Free Will Today!"