I don’t think I’m qualified to answer this, but I really want someone to reply to you. I hope someone else comes up with a better suggestion than this. I’m just so sorry and sad to see you going through this and don’t want you to feel overlooked or unheard.

If he claims he wants to change and you believe him, tell him you want therapy/couples therapy. Selling the house and stuff is one of those “cross that bridge when you come to it” sorta things. Not impossible but not the “now” option, imo. It sounds like you might already be at that breaking point though if you were gonna leave him for sure anyway, but it’s hard to tell if that’s being spoken from emotion or actual planning.

As long as you continue loving your daughter and taking measured steps to keep her safe, you can get through this. It’s not usually one incident like this that causes a major issue for kids (not like rape would, as you mentioned). She’s likely just too young to understand, but that’s why the opportunity needs to be seized now. (I’m assuming she’s young since you mentioned what he said about a second child.)

I’m not trying to be like this or anything but this scenario is shooting up some red flags for me. Can I suggest another subreddit that might be able to help? Just in case nobody else replies. I can check in the morning and see if other people chimed in, but your dialogue especially is making me worry about you. I’m new here so I’m not sure what’s kosher (and yes, I read the rules, Mods! I just want to help). I’m not sure where you are in the world but it’s pushing midnight on east coast America. Either way I hope you’re able to get some sleep, clear your head a bit and come back stronger tomorrow. One day at a time, one day at a time.