Going to get broken up with soon and pushed back into the friendzone what should I do?

Honestly just being alone again. My life is finally getting back on track after 2 years of it being a mess. I had attempted suicide 3 months before 2020. And then began dating a Narcisscist(as my therapist tells me) who would abuse themselves and hurt others. That person the person I was dating before cheated, lied, and gave me an STD. Then on top of that since they liked to yell into my face and call me crazy and I never knew what to do because if I stood up for myself or called them out they would cry and try to have sex with me.

Going through all that she was there for me coming over whenever shit would got fucking scary and I needed someone. We didn't work out at first but its been a tiny bit better recently. Idfk. If we end un "breaking up" we can never hang out again really. Like not in a real sense. I want to be with her no I'm not going to be weird about it. Its just literally I feel like we were just about to get somewhere and its over like fuck. I don't know I don't care if its someone else I just want her to give me chance. I realize I'm just kind of garbage honestly and I don't think I can fix that in her eyes.(no I'm not going to kill myself or even threaten suicide, because FYI killing yourself without a gun is slow and painful really painful)

I would probably drink a bit and sleep a lot. Christ I have the biggest pit in my stomach. I wish I was perfect so she would just want I know its stupid but I'm working on myself right now.

I'm going to miss her spending the night in my apartment while I head off to work. Its just nice to have someone home when you're out to come back to like fuckkk. I care about her so damn much it's eating me up my flaws and shitty life situation is going to end things.

/r/Advice Thread Parent