Well for starters i get fired from every single job i get cause i cant focus and they have to tell me everything 5x. Now i gave up on trying to find a job cause i fear of getting fired again, so i have the hope it improves my attention span which is currently that of a dead fish, also i hope i can listen to people without getting stuck on thinking about a particular word they said 5 minutes ago and repeating that procces in my head every single day with everyone.

ADHD made me miserable and depressed my whole life since like the 4th grade, now I'm 20 and just recently learned about it and that it's literally everything thats wrong with me.

I couldn't cope with it before, i actually had great teachers and the principal, even though i missed literally half my senior year away from class because i couldnt leave my bed for weeks at a time cause of depression, they never questioned me and just assumed i had a tough life they let me pass highschool somehow without failing even with me having the lowest grades and basically illegal amount of absences....

My inabillity to focus made me miserable , i sometimes refused to eat for days because i thought it'd be easier if i could just die.... I know It's pathetic thinking like that but i didn't know any better, my parents didn't know how to help me and just made things worse, my mom mentally abused me and my dad beat me so many times so hard i still have cuts and bruises years after. Once he got mad at me for not going to school that he beat me up and threw my pc out the window, later he walked downstaits to pick it up and threw it at me and broke my rib.

I know this is pathetic and sounds like im whining but i feel as if this the only thing i currently hope for in life, and im terrified of being denied that sorry sorry sorry sorry