You have twisted a lot of what I have said.

If you read my post, obviously I feel really bad for what my son is going through. I do understand how labels work.

No, he doesn't just bully kids who are quiet. He has friends who are quiet and does fine with them. He panics when kids STARE at him. Being stared at makes all the difference in the world. The kids that tend to spend a lot of time staring at him always also happen to be quiet kids.

No, he doesn't always want attention. He often wants to be left alone, because he is completely overwhelmed. Being stared at overwhelms him. Being dealt with by parents and teachers when he is already melting down over being stared at overwhelms him. I have seen him unable to do something that he really wants to do, because he was scared people would look at him.

Among our friend group, we have always been among the strictest parents. We really didn't let him get away with anything. He imploded anyway and become completely out-of-control anyway. We are now backing off and learning new ways of parenting, because being super strict obviously wasn't working. It just turned him into a defiant, screaming mess. Backing off has improved his behavior over-all.

Yes, we've heard of ABA and I spent a week calling different BCBAs in my town, but I have been warned off it by my therapist and other moms with similar kids, because, at this point, no one thinks that my son's problem is actually behavioral. Right now, I am being told that it is neurological, which needs (apparently) something that is not ABA. For now, we are working with a child psychologist who has experience with both behavioral and neurological problems, so that she can determine which it is and what treatment is appropriate.

Please don't comment under my post again. I'm really tired and I don't have the energy to argue with someone who reads whatever they want to hear in what I've said.