well the first step is accepting the pronoun change. you just said none of that was confusing for you! you even typed "father/mother"... it's clear which one they want to be, but you haven't accepted it. they prob told you that "he" is okay out of politeness -- people who identify as lesbian women, are on hormones, and plan to get surgery GENERALLY PREFER "SHE". generally, not always. but that's not even the point, is it? this other thing is totally unrelated, isn't it? these other relationship problems are solved by communication, and i think both trans and cis people eventually learn how to do that. moving too fast might be a unique symptom of wanting to jump into another life.. but also, people are just occasionally hyper clingy like that. especially when they see a situation that love could improve. but this lady with the kids seems to have some of her own problems.. with um.. things..

i'd tell your friend exactly what's on your mind, but they seem very set on being understood as a woman, and so if you are not prepared to do that, i dunno what kind of future your friendship has. and all you'd be saying is "yo, i hope you're planning on revealing you're gonna get the chop". just in a slightly more sensitive way, y'know? that's all you need to do, ever; be honest. which it sounds like your friend isn't being, if they're not forthcoming about their plans.