I'm in a good place most days. Some days really suck. I get overwhelmed with death of immediate family members and though it has been about 30 years now I still feel it. I think of those family members almost daily. That's the nature of the beast though. But sometimes I'll get a big trigger like hearing that specific song; or someone talking about the situations that took my family from me. Then, I want somewhere I can hide so I don't have to be close to anyone ever. But, then, I remember I'm a social animal and I need people as much as they need me. Then things get righted again for a while and I go back to my good place with all of my loving memories, rather than the dark shadows of the past. I'm in therapy. It helps a lot. But those people are so recorded in my mind that they will never go away. And when it comes down to it. I don't want them to go away. I want to keep loving them for the rest of my life. I just have to get a better perspective.