When women talk about their feelings, society comes running. Females don't appear to realize that males have the exact opposite experience. When we "talk about our feelings," especially to women, it only makes matters worse.

One of the most crushingly disappointing experiences of my life was realizing that I couldn't get emotional support from my wife when it really counted.

The practical result of talking to my wife about my problems and worries was that this gave her stress and made her worried. It was as if I were creating a problem for her. This in turn led to her resenting me because of how my problems affected her. This was something that was bubbling away underneath in her, which usually came out in her general attitude towards me and only came out verbally in arguments.

I don't think she was sitting down, consciously thinking things through, coming to a rational conclusion and then blaming me; I think this was just her spontaneous emotional reaction.

Talking about my problems, worries, and feelings with my wife only resulted in a doubling of pressure on me, with no support coming in return. As miserable as it was not to be able to talk to anyone, and how hard it was to cope with no support, less pressure is obviously better than more, so I stopped even trying.

I don't like the effect this has had on me. I feel kind of numbed. Some men may be naturally stoic and untalkative, but I wasn't. The thing is, and it is cruel to suggest a man open up to his wife without emphasizing this, if the wife isn't willing to be strong in turn and be warm and supporting in her response, then opening up is only counterproductive and hurts like hell.

I don't think this problem is unique to me. I suspect it is common, if not the norm. There may even be something hardwired that gets in the way of compassion for men (not just in women, but men too).

I don't think it's impossible for women to be genuinely warm and empathetic to men (even when the man's problem affects them) and some women are naturally so. Others though (perhaps the majority) could make the conscious effort to become so, as the needed counterpart to men opening up. (I think this, in a way, is working against our natural hardwiring, but I want to believe that as humans we are able to become more than our instincts.)

This would be impossible in a feminist framework though. Feminism only worsens any tendency to blame men and think them unworthy of compassion. And I'm sure the suggestion that the woman needs to work on herself for the benefit of the man would be met with rolled eyes.

(Sorry to post with a throwaway, but I don't give out anything about my personal life on my regular account.)