Growing-up without meds.

Your story resonates so very much to/with me. The part about not being able to "take in" what you hear unless you hear it several times may be partially due to the fact that people learn best using different methods. Some can hear instructions and pick them up immediately. Some need to see (perhaps in text) the directions. Some need to not only hear or see, they need to be touching and moving. Those folks learn best by doing rather than hearing instructions. Most of us are some combination of the above. That is true whether ADHD, some learning disability, or other issue, complicates learning or absorbing information. I generally tell people who insist upon giving me directions verbally (especially over the phone), to please email me or send written directions (assuming face-to-face hands-on information is impossible) since I won't remember what they said longer than it takes them to say it.

I also miss social cues. My ADHD coach has me watching people and journaling to help me pick up on those cues. By watching how people interact/interface (and writing it down), I can better recognize those cues I'm missing. I admit it's slow going. As an example, I happened to be behind a couple in the grocery store who were shopping in the same way I was shopping (aisle by aisle), so I was able to follow and watch them without being too weird. As I watched, I was able to see facial expressions, touches, non-verbal noises, etc. That of course didn't teach me how to not be the social misfit in one easy lesson, but it and other lessons are helping me learn day by day. The trick is to find someplace where you can watch without having someone call the cops on the weirdo. Why am I just doing this now? I spent most of my working career with computer hardware types. Not very many noticed or cared about my lack of social skills since many had even worse social skills than I did.

I can't blame parents for not wanting me to be medicated. I was diagnosed with Minimal Brain Dysfunction way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. My family (and I) thought years later that meant dyslexia. It was an early name for ADHD. That doesn't mean I don't have dyslexia, but it also doesn't mean I do. I spent my childhood, teen years, and most of my adulthood without medication or treatment, but when, at 54 I was (again) diagnosed ADHD, I was put on medication--but it wasn't the right medicine since it helped not at all. I am now on non-amphetamine medications that seem to be helping. I spent a decades hearing about being "lazy" since I could concentrate on those things that interested me and had a high IQ (FWIW). Add to that many doctors over the years told me I couldn't be ADHD since I am female, since I have a high IQ, since I got mostly good grades (with a hellacious lot of work), managed multiple degrees, etc. I was constantly cussing myself out for making stupid mistakes, forgetting things, and being an unaware doofus.

I still forget to do things, but my major coping mechanism during the years without treatment was several very rigid habits. I didn't lose my glasses and keys because I had a place I put them ALWAYS. I didn't forget to take a shower, eat, take my vitamins, brush my teeth, etc, because I had a rigid schedule of activities and I did them all in exactly the same way every day. What a horrible way to live, but it worked (mostly). I still lost paperwork, shoes, lists, etc., forgot appointments and deadlines, and set so many alarms/reminders on Outlook that it was at the noise level and therefore totally useless.

TL;DR The inability to follow/remember oral instructions may be simply a variation of learning styles that doesn't relate to ADHD or a learning disability--or it may be due to inattention (a part of ADHD). The inability to catch social cues is something that can be improved via learning from others but it's hard to do.

/r/ADHD Thread