Guess my wife and I were flagged, this is the second piece of mail we have received from cemeteries.

My grandmother, great uncle, and a family friend are buried at Pinelawn.

If you like useless pointless trivia, the actress (Kim Walker) who played Heather Chandler in Heathers is also buried at Pinelawn, along with jazz legends Count Basie and John Coltrane.

Cemeteries are fucking depressing. Every time I go to one (which is several times a year), I can't help but notice all the graves that haven't been visited in years. Fading, weather-beaten headstones and grave markers sinking into the ground and being overrun with grass and weeds. Not to mention, cemetery thieves robbing bronze vases from graves. Yeah, that's a big thing, in case you didn't already know. My family has been a victim of this (different cemetery, not Pinelawn...although, Pinelawn has also been hit by this type of crime as well). When I filed the police report, they told me there's close to nothing they can do. And it would also cost something like $300 to replace, so don't bother, because it would just be stolen again.

Fuck all that noise. When I die, throw me in the oven and put it on broil. Sprinkle my ashes in my favorite woods so I can haunt them forever as a friendly forest ghost.

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