Guy [32M] I just started seeing invited me [28F] to a party where he has another date, how to best approach this?

Thanks for breaking it down, this is actually pretty helpful in terms of thinking it through.

1) Do you want this relationship to be poly? Not whether you are open to it but whether you want it to be poly right now.

Right now, I'm casually dating a bunch of people, he's just one of them. I don't know that I would equate Saturday's situation to "being poly". To me, that's more about having multiple deep emotional connections with people, and we will have been on 2 dates at that point - it's very new.

2) Are you OK with this person you are seeing hanging on other women who he is having sex with?

Yes. As I said I'm involved in the poly community in my city and actually have been in this situation a few times with another partner of mine, being in the same room with him, his primary, myself, and another girl he is casually seeing. However he was really clear about exactly what to expect, how he would be behaving, that he would be leaving with his primary, and generally was very experienced with that scenario. This guy doesn't really give off the same vibe, it's more like hmm let's throw this out there and see what sticks. But I was not at all bothered by seeing the first dude being affectionate with other women or leaving with someone else because he was very respectful about it and attentive to all of us all evening.

3) Do you want this relationship to include threesomes? What about when the 3rd person is someone the guy you are seeing knows well?

Yes, I regularly have group sex with all sorts of combinations of people, usually at play parties but sometimes more spontaneously as well. I had openly told him I had a 6some the night before our first date. I told him I could be open to a threesome saturday provided his other partner and I had chemistry but that is a big if.

4) Are you OK with people knowing or does everyone already know you're poly? Because that might come up.

Yup, not an issue, already a very poly crowd.

5) Long term how do you see this relationship evolving? Will he just be some guy you date while he does the same with others? Do you expect to be his primary? Do you think that him specifically having sex with a "special friend" undermines you as his potential primary?

No idea, it's too new to say anything like that. I do like him but I'm not really jealous about his "special friend". I guess in my eyes he had this plan with her well before we even met, and he could have just not involved me at all, but he chose to include me so why be jealous?

6) Is He ok if you don't join in his wanted threesome and instead go off with the other guy you're sleeping with?

This is probably the part I'm most uncertain in regards to. I'm not sure how weird things may get with so many combinations of partners (the girl I'm bringing with me and I also both sleep with the other guy who will be at the party, sometimes together) and how he might handle it. And if he isn't as respectful about being attentive to me during the party as well, or his other girl isn't okay with it (I mean as far as I know he hasn't even asked her yet, and I found it strange he asked me before her since they had the established plans...)

But overall, after writing all that out, I think he's really the unknown variable. My preferred outcome would be to hang with various people at the party, have a good time, get to know his girl and hopefully we do all get along and have a fun evening, perhaps even involve the girl I'm bringing and our other guy, but who knows, that's probably too crazy haha!

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