But this shit made me want to hug her, tell her my own fuck ups are not at all on her, she tried her best with me, and have her still living and breathing enjoying her grandkids like she should be.

My dad died in February and it makes me wonder if he knew — really, truly know — how very much I love and admire him and how proud I was to be his daughter (he was super well known in our hometown and whenever someone made the connection that I was his kid they'd immediately smile and tell me what a great guy my dad was). I hope he knew; I think he must have. He wasn't a touchy-feely-express your-feelings kind of guy (at the end, my brother kept repeating to him stuff like, "We appreciate everything you've done for us, Dad, we're going to take care of everything," and after a few times, my dad, who could barely respond anymore, waved his hand and went, "All right!" which was kind of a nice moment of seeing that my dad was still the same crotchety but lovable guy he'd always been). At the same time, gives me a lot of peace knowing that my dad died with the knowledge that all of his kids grew up to be good, decent people and that we were all willing to drop everything and be there for him. I'm sure he was well aware that we'd take care of my mom (he wasn't a sentimental guy but sometimes he'd have a drink or two too many and say let slip some sappy stuff about being proud of us or what great kids we were). I still want him here with his grandkids (they absolutely adore him) but holy shit, his end was a fairytale compared to this.

I can't imagine doing to anyone what this kid did to his own mom. Holy fuck. It sounds like she was kind of a mess in her own right but nobody deserves that. Jesus christ.