Do you guys ever just hate yourself so much that you have to punch yourself?

I feel ya bro.

Disclaimer: My problem is mostly a gaming issue, but it's relatable to most of yours. I don't gamble, I don't smoke, only an ocasional drink.

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't born such a failure at my parents' eyes.

I never wished my existence nor to be born.

I never asked to be born such a fragile baby and a young child when I was born. I never asked to be a person off the grain. I never asked to have older parents that don't understand how I feel.

The irony here is that my parents knew ever since I was 7 months old that my birth wasn't going to be normal.

My mom tells me that I turned my head upside down, for a normal birth, but then I switched back to my head up, so I was born out of a Caesarean. Couldn't she use protection? Couldn't she not have spreaded her legs (she never thought about marrying, but then those things happen)? Couldn't have made an abortion? Couldn't she just from the minute she knew I was going to be born from a Caesarean switched to a house birth and then let whatever happens? (Most likely I would die, I don't know how this things work, but she probably could too). It would only do the world a huge favour by not having me born.

Who the hell gave my mom the right to have me? Who the hell gave her the right to contradict me and bring me to this cruel world?

Another irony here: I was happy as a baby, from 0 to 4 years and a half old. After that, I was forced to make a surgery and that's when my life went downhill.

I was forced to wear glasses, bracelets, to speak like cotton mout (my speech was never perfect, even as an infant I only started speaking when I was 3 and even then I would pronounce words incorrectly), on top of that I'm bad at drawing and sports. Despite most of the issues are fixed, still doesn't change how I was made fun of.

What else could you add to my miserable life? Due to anger issues because I had to teach people not to bully me, I was forced to take some meds. These things never worked and instead only made me a fatso.

What I hate the most about my life are my ungrateful parents. They idolized me as a kid but now they despise me. What have I ever done to deserve this ungratitude? Are human beings only cute as kids and then they should be thrown off?

I hate that they don't do the things I would like to do. I hate that they want to force me to do things I don't want to, when I ask them similar things and they refuse.

An example: I wanted to go to an eletronics store and maybe having a snack there or something, but my mom refuses, always with the headach excuse. I hate that even today she forced me to spend my entire morning to go cloth shopping, then to the optician and to "see" a pain that she was having. I mean, come on, really? As most men, I hate doing that. It's a waste of time. Couldn't it had been another day? And I've been asking her for a while to take me to the local store. And I certainly hate to wait an hour on the car with the summer heat on it's full strenght while she's seeing the pain she's having. Couldn't she told me at least that it was going to take a while, so I could leave the car?

I hate that they don't want to "pay" this debt they own me for forcing me to come to this world. I hate that they don't want to give me things that most people own right now.

Sure, call me a selfish guy for not caring about my mom's health. Call me a lazy person for wasting my inteligence. Call me a lone wolf, because I'm tired of being used like a roll of toilet paper by my "friends". Call me a loser, because I don't know on what world, what mind, they would think my existence would bring any meaning to the world.

The worst part is I don't care anymore. Insult me if you'd like, beat me if you'd like, I don't care. I would even thank you for that, at least I'd feel something.

Nothing makes me happy anymore. I don't even have nostalgia from playing my childhood games anymore. Not even some old soundtracks make me happy.

Fuck the world, fuck my life, fuck my existence. Why can't we just depressed people unite and just ask for nukes to destroy this cruel world?

/r/depression Thread