Thanks for responding, and for being as kind as you have been with what you've said. I appreciate it! I'm sorry to hear you feel the same about where you live - what makes it so bad for you? Do you have a chance to start afresh elsewhere? It's possible for me, but where I live is close to my niece and she comes into the city for treatment so I can help out when needed; therefore I'm here for the foreseeable. After that (which feels like a horribly impersonal way of putting something so tragic) I might try to move on.

The time off helped, and I would advise it to anyone who felt the way I did if their employer allows it. R and R is good for both physical and mental health.

In fairness to her, I don't think there was ever any chance of anything romantic happening and the feelings I had were always going to compromise the friendship. However, the more time goes on the more I realise she's probably done the right thing, even if the method wasn't the best. And maybe the closeness I felt wasn't so strong or unique for her - she's far more outgoing and personable than I am and befriends people very easily. We can only bring our own experiences to the table after all. In many ways, it was actually a lovely experience for me too and I thank her for it.