I had a confrontation at work and I feel upset that I didn't say or do more

I believe she does see me as a doormat and pushover

Again, I think you're too set on the idea that this woman get joy out of bullying you. I briefly had a temp job where the big boss (a man) was truly a bully to the other staff members (but not me). He didn't say stuff like "Why isn't this done?" he said stuff like "You are a loser and your wife must be cheating on you because there is no way you satisfy her." That's someone who gets off on hurting people. I think you may just be dealing with a personality difference.

I would definitely like to be able to keep an even, firm voice and either tell her to speak to me in the proper way or say things like "let me finish."

Honestly think about this- what if your co-worker just wants stuff to get done and from her point of view you are an obstacle to that happening because you don't handle your end of things? You assume she gets off on being mean to you, but what if she doesn't think about your feelings at all? Maybe she'd be fine with you being equally aggressive if you were more directly addressing the problem. Her anger violates your sense of professional behavior, but what if you violate her sense of professional behavior just as much?

She may actually see you as incapable. Like you're the person who doesn't answer direct questions. And maybe that you make things about your feelings rather than getting results.

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