I appreciate you guys so much for replying <33 thank you and i love you.

I dont want to come off as arguing, but I'm thinking maybe if I give more information you might have different advice -- and that's what Im here for (advice).

When I went to speak with my ex in december, it was a week after she finally reached out to me and let me get my things from the apartment. So a week after that tense interaction, I showed up to her work, and I told her that I had been holding onto hope we would reconcile, but getting my things from her apartment made it clear to me she wants us to be over and I am accepting the break up. and to ask her to please consider unblocking me in the future.

For about three weeks after our talk my blog was sad but not in spiral. I was posting things like, "i feel lost." and "i dont know which parts of me are me and which parts of me are a leftover 'us'" and reblogged old posts i made from when we were together and in love.

Then I began posting things more to the effect of: "I will love again one day." and "look what i made myself for dinner" and "heres a selfie i felt cute." (every single post which was very subliminally towards her in various ways even though she has me blocked and I had no way to know if she was looking at my blog).

Then I figure out a way to know if she's looking at my blog through website analytics. This is mid january. I discover that she looks at my blog every 3 days or so. 6 times total in the two weeks I had the service.

(Meanwhile she is barely posting anything on her blog and if she does it's just gifs from her fave tv show b99 or star wars memes)

However, knowing that she is an audience to my blog gives me confidence. And I start posting way more funny things and also writing longwinded opinion pieces on politics and economics and feminism and other things. This is what the happiest version of myself would do and also the kind of thing my ex was attracted to me for.

Meanwhile, on other social media, I am boasting a great life but it's nothing too special, Im just acting happy about it. For example, I went to a museum (alone), and finished a cool drawing, and took a roadtrip with my sister to see a comedy show. Nothing like "hey look at all my new friends and money and girlfriend."

I was being extra happy but just about p normal stuff. And also, all of it (the museum, the drawing, the comedy show) was a subliminal message to my ex. It stemmed from things that was 'ours.'

Admittedly, at some point I did reblog a selfie from a cute girl on tumblr whom my ex knows I used to have a crush on years ago and I reblogged a number of other posts from her blog which definitely could have hurt my ex. I did that in late december. I feel bad about doing that and I absolutely should -- I did not have to interact with that blog.

Where is all this going? Early to mid february my ex started posting more on her blog and the tone of the posts were sadder and one of them was about having bad mental health and yea, her hurting made all my happiness boasting feel so fake and monstrous and I'm almost positive her pain is at least somewhat caused by my one-month social media turnaround from our break up. like in one month after our talk my blog went from "im sad and lost" to "heres a 750 word essay about why honey the browser extension is evil."

Oh shitt, also, fuxkkkm. Early february I posted a love poem to my blog that I wrote. It was written to my ex bc I was feeling pretty high knowing that she looks at my blog but i'm afraid she thought i wrote it for someone else.

I am so sorry forever for everything. I am taking a break from posting on all social media.

Also, i just remembered. I had started watching videos on youtube about how to get your ex back and they all said be happy and confident and move on and it will attract your ex back. So thats what I tried to do with my blog. But that advice probably doesnt apply when you did that shit that I did. In my case moving on (aka pretending to move on) hurt her even more.

Dear Betrayed Spouses, if I was your WS, what would you want from me at this point?

A post that makes it explicit the love poem is about you? A post that says I am actually very sad and sorry? Obviously not a letter bc that is more active and her looking at my blog if and when she wants is her decision.

My ex is the loveliest person in the whole world just so you know. I will do anything.