I had no idea women had it like this

When I was 12, I was raped by another 12 year-old who before then, had been my best friend. This was back in the late 90s, so pretty much only I knew he was gay. I told my mother what had happened, she called me a liar, said that "he is a nice boy, and I shouldn't make such things up because some people might take me seriously."

She sent me over the following weekend to spend the night, and to apologize for making such things up. He raped me then too, and told me that if I ever told anyone again, he'd go after my younger brother; whom was best friends with his younger brother, and frequently spent the night at their house. This went on nearly every weekend for two years. He only stopped because I managed to get a girlfriend, and he "didn't want tainted goods."

This haunts me still.

When I was 16, I was sexually molested by another boy in the high school bathroom. I didn't know who to go to, because how could I trust anyone when the one person who always told me that they would believe me if something like this happened to me, regardless of who it was, called me a liar?

This was the start of a pattern of being sexually assaulted by different gay men on a near monthly basis, no matter where I go, no matter what I did. They were always bigger and stronger than me. To date, I have only known one gay man who did not try to molest me. Even though I'm fairly certain he will never assault me, just thinking about being near him makes my skin crawl, my stomach curdle, and my heart race with anxiety. I only put up with him because he's close with my other friends, and it would not be fair to make them choose.

I'm 28 years old, and have not been sexually assaulted by a gay man for 3 months now.

...I shouldn't have to feel like an addict who is declaring how long they've been sober.

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