Hey, im sorry this happened to you. As for the clash between wbat you thought and how your body reacted. That reaction is an automatic one and does not need input from your mental world to happen. It is your body reacting to a something without knowing what that something is, merely that the neurons that give pleasure signals have been activated.

Current theories also propose that physical reactions in such circumstances are partly a way of your body protecting itself. For example preventing damage resulting from dry penetration.

All in all, how it physically felt and how your body mightve reacted does not mean that your thoughts at the moment do not matter.